What do I wear to therapy?

Therapy
Written By Ansley Hayes

“I’m ready to really let go and cry but I think my pants are too tight.” I said to my therapist during what felt like my two-thousandth therapy session.

“Well as long as you stay between the goal posts.” she replied.

I weighed the decision between the embarrassment of unbuttoning the top button of my “professional” pants versus the agony of spending another week carrying around the tears and tension that were ready to be metabolized. I thought longingly about my favorite pair of soft pants, a pair of wool sweatpants that I basically lived in from April 2020 until September 2022 when I went back to seeing therapy clients in a real office where I needed to wear professional attire such as “shoes”. I briefly debated making a joke about Grubhub for pants but I decided to be brave and loosen a button. I cried, I shook, I almost puked. My therapist brought me a trash can. I felt a little better.

Two days later I swore off wearing “professional” pants to my personal therapy sessions for good. I never looked back.

A visibly queer woman is sitting in bed with their cat thinking about what to wear to trauma therapy

If you don’t feel comfy in your therapy outfit, change.

Sustainable Clothing Choices for Therapy

  • The softest pants in your closet that don’t have that little rubbed away spot in the crotch

  • The hoodie you stole from your ex-girlfriend, the one who likes your Instagram photos and invited you to her wedding

  • A t-shirt so big and loose that you can fully pull your arms and legs into it and scuttle away, unseen, when things get a little too real

  • Your favorite blazer, the one that makes you feel like you can handle going to Costco on a Saturday without crying, for when you need to feel put together after your session

  • The patterned button down with the tiny chest pocket, for hiding mid-session snacks.

It took me a long time to feel okay with my therapist seeing all the parts of me, especially the messy ones. But my therapy sessions were more fruitful and effective once I dropped the perfectionism and let myself be truly seen, sweatpants and all.

If you’re struggling with connecting with a therapist out of fear of being judged or seen as less than perfect, I’d love to hear from you.

-Ansley


Ansley Hayes